Okay so last night I had the toughest time teaching at church that I've ever had. There's one little boy. He's 8. He's relatively new to my class. And he's a hellion. He does so many things wrong that the culmination of him, last night, was my breaking point. He's rude. He's disrespectful. He's ungrateful. He's got an attitude that he's 8 and he can do what he wants when he wants. Ummm, no sir. So, honestly, I don't like this little boy. Honestly I don't like his mother. (Now yes, I love them b/c they are my family in Christ, but I don't care for their actions one bit). So after fussing at him all thru class and barely getting thru my lesson I decided to have a quick meeting with him and his mom after church. I had hope. I wouldn't say that she's a terrible mom b/c she provides food, clothing and shelter, but I think a few parenting classes would do her some good. Anywho, we meet, and as I'm telling her about the debacle of his behavior, she's plum ignoring me looking over my shoulder and behind her as if I'm taking up too much of her precious time. Okay fine. She says she'll handle it when she gets home and walks off and it's obvious that I've bothered her and wasted her time.
Sidebar: When we were little my mom used to do this thing where if we said something she didn't like or if we were acting like we didn't want to hear what she had to say, she would firmly caress (grab) our jaw so that we had to look her in the eye and she let her voice go very low and calm (that scary calm where as a child you're pretty sure that when she's finished speaking she's going to bite your head off) and speak to us matter of factly with a look that dared us to act like we weren't going to straighten up. I didn't grab his jaw, but that's purely by the grace of God. ;-)
So I get home and I've decided to kick him out of my class. He's broken. He's my bad apple and I don't want to deal with him anymore. If I don't have the help of his mom, then I'm surely not going at it alone. Hand him a pistol and let the ball start rolling on his mission to be a menace to society. I'm done. Yeah right, people, you know me! About 2 secs after I had resolved to kick him out, I start talking with KJ and then I call my mom and I realize that I'm letting an EIGHT YEAR OLD defeat me. Ummm, no sir. So I'm on a new mission. I'm going to help him grow to be the best man our little FL town has ever laid eyes on (at least in my class... gotta start somewhere). I was wrong. I wanted to put the heel of my shoe thru his esophagus* last night, and that was wrong (of course I didn't do it, but somewhat only because my balance is a little affected by the little mini that's taking over my womb). Okay, so I got great advice from both KJ (who was/is willing to put a sleeper hold on him or break his little tail-bone* so that he'd behave better... don't mess with his wife, he doesn't care if your 8 or 80 and I love him so much for that hard-coreness) and my mom and I've got a few solutions I'm going to start implementing.
1) I'm going to pair him up with the 14 year old boy in my class. The 8 year old wants attention and wants to run with the big kids, well, if my 14 year old lets him know that what he's doing isn't "cool" then I think it will crush his little menacing spirit. (Mom's idea)
2) I'll give one warning and then you go sit outside my door and work on the lesson's worksheet. I'm a good teacher, we have fun, they're learning not only bible stories, but moral lessons and how to be better children of God. If you can't handle the interaction of class, then sit outside and study that lesson on your own and then present in front of the church. (KJ's idea)
3) I've got to be more structured. Last night I didn't have enough copies so I had to take time to run some off and that 7 minutes was all he needed to feel like I'd handed him the reins.
I've got a few more ideas, but I'm anxious to hear any suggestions you all may have. I know a lot of you are teachers (Candi, Kendi, my cousin Tasha) or work in the school system as counselors (Tasha (frogqueen)..I think, and Connie), or have kiddos of your own (most of the aforementioned, Lisa, Cindy) who you refuse to let run the show. I'm not plucking my bad apple just yet, so hit me with your suggestions.
*And just because I have no idea who stumbles across my blog, let me say that KJ nor I are violent people, but we both believe firmly in discipline, not abuse. I'm not really going to put my heel in a child's esophagus, my shoes are too cute for that. ;-)
Happy Thursday all!
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6 comments:
I totally know how you feel. But I deal with adults. Sometimes you have to just be patient because he nor his mother understand that you have a job to do which is teach this child and other children. You tell her that if her child can't behave then she will need to keep him with her. You don't have time to teach other peoples bad kids how to behave. Put him in the corner with his nose in the wall all of service and he will learn. When he comes in your room just turn him back around and tell him to go sit with his MOMMMA!
I am with KJ! Ill get a switch for him if she won't.
Which is why I am not a teacher! I would be on the news daily.
LOL at Trice...trust me even as a teacher you have those days where a good swift kick in the area that God made extra padding is what you would really like to do to these little precious children :)
Actually your ideas are great. From what I can see is this. He wants attention (99.9% of a child's misbehavior is for that exact reason) and you can't expect any help from the mom. Here is my soapbox really quick...it's not the teachers job to teach them to behave...hello what are parents for these days??? okay stepping down. Like I said your ideas are good. Seriously the best one is the pairing him up with the 14 year old. Little kids want to be cool with the big kids and if that big kid shoots down his misbehavior then it's going to crush his little attitude *hopefully* If you have a chat with the 14 year old beforehand then he will know to be a good example for the child. Also the making him leave the classroom if he continues to disrupt is good. Why should your other kids have to suffer because he wants to act up? My third and final suggestion is that if talking to the mom isn't working (and believe me I have had that kind SEVERAL times...moms think there kids are perfect angels these days) then make the child start writing out a note to his mom or better yet if his dad is there to him...children fear men figures in their life...or if possible to the preacher...telling of his bad behavior and what he did....the biggest thing you have to do is I hate to say this but get him embarrassed...unless he is rotten eventually this will work. Kids hate to be embarrassed. It just takes some patience and repetition sometimes :)
I admire your attitude about this. You have the workings in you to make a great teacher. If the graphic design business ever gets old you could always check into that :) I hear Florida has a shortage on teachers. :) That little mini is going to have an excellent momma and I thank you now for believing in discipline and love for your child and having the patience that you do with them :) Happy Thursday!
OK, Honestly!!! I am a therapist but I almost have to work with the teens because those little guys, man!!!!! You may be onto something with your ideas. My philosophy with my boys at work (residential placement most of them on probation)is that they are a product of where they come from. I believe they are all in placement or on probation, or have violated the law, or in your case just *bad* because of the adults in their lives missing the mark somewhere. With that being said, I too am an adult, that can provide them some since of reality, discipline, normalcy (in my terms), love, teaching, care, unconditional positive regard despite their *horrific attitudes*, even if for a short amount of time. WAIT, I meant to start this off by TOTALLY agreeing with Trice in that that little "hellion" < to put it nicely, needs to get the boot right out of the door and let his momma (who doesn't have time to listen to you and probally doesn't have time for him which is why he is seeking all of that attention be it negative or HOWEVER he can get it) deal with his bad butt. But, GOD is speaking right now, he spoke through you in your post, and you know what.....You are his adult that can give him all that he is OBVIOUSLY not getting anywhere else. IDEAS: quick attention to the behvaior, by having him sit outside the class. This takes all of his attention away. And, be consistent with it everytime, up until the 3rd time (per class) then, he's gotta go!!!! But accepting him back every week with open arms and a hug will let him know that no matter what he's done, he can always depend on the fact that you care and are willing to show him consistency and love. (for you own sake, your'e going to be doing a lot of FAKING!!)GOOD LUCK and keep us posted.
Ah, you had the jaw grab, I had the arm hold. If I was doing something not so becoming of a child Mom would firmly grasp my arm and whisper in my ear (the same low whisper, I imagine) "Colleen... Colleen." And man I knew that meant business. I think mostly because I hated getting in trouble. Good luck with him (and with his momma).
Okay, you all are fabulous! And talk about coming to my (or really his) rescue! ;-)
Tricey, you're right. His momma should be dealing with this, but I think she either doesn't see the problem or is "dealing" with it by ignoring. I really like the idea of making him stand in the corner... just going to have to dust those cobwebs out first. ;-)
Candi love the idea of the letter describing his misbehavior. I think more effective then me making him write a Bible verse over and over. And thanks so much, KJ and I both agreed that our8 year old will not act this way, shoot we're talking about 8 years to our...um many, he may not make it past 8 if he even tries. hehehe
Tasha,
Girl you pegged it right on with there being something missing from his home life. And when I read this I can see that it's a cry for attention, even if it's negative. I really think putting him outside the door will help solve something b/c hey, that's not cool, it's boring, and you're missing out on hanging out with the "big kids".
Colein,
hehehe I can see your mom doing the arm grab. I have done that to this 8 year old on quite a few occassions and is it wrong that I enjoy that little look of fear when I've got him in my grasp???
Okay I'll keep you all posted on this situation. Going to test some things out next week!
Lots of lovin!
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