That's what I'm feeling like lately. Like I'm coming in sub-par as a wife, mom, friend, employee, daughter, neice, sister, church member etc. Really everything. I've got a million and eight things running thru my mind constantly of things that need to get done. I have a problem saying no and I'm realizing that my once full plate is now running over. I mentioned once before that it bothered me that I couldn't "keep my word" as I once had. I don't call back, I don't email, favors and requests go weeks before I can even attempt to acknowledge them. Geez louise, something's gotta give right? Now just figuring what's gotta go is the difficult part. I hate to let people down... but really that's exactly what I'm doing.
All of this is spawned from and email I got from my coworker this morn. I was late (been running late all week, but before this I had really been doing pretty well if you can believe that) and he sent me an email in regards to how tardiness at work really adds up over the year. Infuriated me, but I didn't say anything. In fact I'm still biting my tongue b/c I know that if it weren't true then it wouldn't have made a hill of beans difference to me. So I've got some improving to do. I refuse to get another little email like that. I refuse to feel rushed with my child at any time in the day. I refuse to allow my husband to live off of Doritos and gatorade b/c I can't seem to remember the way to my kitchen. (Oh and as a little disclaimer, KJ does EXCELLENTLY in helping the house run smoothly. He does cook, but for the most part he picks the little mini up from day care and that's time consuming in itself. I get home an hour later. So it's 6 or 7 and dinner hasn't even been thought up, let alone arranged to be prepared...hence the mention of the crock pot blog yesterday.) Everything seems to be in a vicious cycle. I can't really get things done in a timely manner at work b/c I'm having to break and pump. I'm not getting as much milk for the little mini b/c I'm sitting at my desk trying to finish up "one more thing" before I go pump. I have long since accepted the fact that you can't be awesome at EVERYTHING, but I'm a strong believer in choosing what you are awesome at. I've got to get my priorities in line and let a few things go.... before I go nut-so.
Okay, this was not a pity post, more so a little helper in helping me hold my tongue. I had to get it out. Had to explain why this morning after waking up at the bootie crack of dawn and packing a million bags for work, daycare, etc, tearing myself away from the sweetest face ever that I don't see near enough during the day, and driving 45 freaking minutes behind every 18 wheeler known to man into a job that I stayed late at last night and almost every night week before last, for which there is no compensation, that I was late. 23 freaking minutes late. sigh.
Happy Wednesday?
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8 comments:
All I can say is Hope your day gets better :)
Girl, I more than, more than understand!!! I keep trying to figure out how people live such full, yet balanced lives and not run around like a chicken with its head cut off.
I am late almost everyday, no matter how hard I try. They have a log book that I risk my job each day by lying about the time I actually showed up.
People tell me “get up earlier” that sounds good, but what happens when your body “ahh no, I am not ready.”
You are a free spirit and the time constraints are going to drive you nuts.
Vent on girl, vent on….
Sorry you're day's going like that.
Does your coworker get as much done as you do in the time you're there? Does he realize you stay late? Does he have any business using the word tardiness? Is he 5?
Everyone's productivity goes down when they become a mom, especially when you're pumping at work. I know it can take up a big chunk of your time. Pumping at work is a legal right, though, so your boss has to let you fit it into your day thanks to a law passed a few years ago. If you have too much to do in one day where you feel like you don't have adequate time to pump, that's your employees fault and not yours.
So many things are second priorities to motherhood and not only are you working on realizing you can't be everything to everyone, others in your life have to realize that as well. No one has any right to fault you for putting your family first.
And saying "I'm so sorry I couldn't get back with you sooner, I'm swamped around here" is a valid response to taking a while to get back with someone. Whether it's your friends or your boss or whoever.
It's going to get easier, I promise. Eventually Miss S will change her schedule and start going to bed at a normal bedtime and waking up at a normal wake time. It's easier for me because Dash doesn't wake up until 8 or 8:30 so I can either be way too late too work or I can go in as early as I want and leave early and spend more evening time with him. It's easier to get out of bed at 6 in the morning and get off to work when you don't have a little one to take care of in the morning and I'm sure eventually things will settle down where you can figure out what schedule works best for everyone.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing a good job. If you feel like you need to cut a few things out of your daily to-do list, by all means do it and don't feel guilty. Things have changed, your life has changed. Saying "I can either come in late and leave late and spend time with my daughter or I can be here on time and not see her during the week" is not being a bad employee, it's being a good mom. If your boss isn't throwing a fit I wouldn't worry about your coworker.
Keep your chin up, girlie, and let go of that fury however you see fit. :o)
Thank goodness its not just me!
I come in late on the regular. But I dare one of my "co-workers" (key word) to say anything about it. Especially considering that I stay over at times, and I am always here unless I have an appointment.I never take my vacation days unless I just need a break which is usually a 1/2 day!
Now that we have little ones our time just isn't what it used to be, there is always something that needs to be done but not enough time. So just do what you can when you can.
I often question myself if this is just the way our generation operates. Because too many of us view our jobs as more of a burden than a source of income. I acutally will take a decrease in pay if i can get off earlier in the day.
I would be mad about the coworker, too. My manager actually had a talk with me about being 15 to 20 minutes late during a time when my uncle was doing poorly after a surgery and I wasn't sleeping or eating much at all. It's funny that after that talk, he came in a about 20 minutes late about 3-4 times a week until recently (our talk was in March). I am very grateful and blessed to have a job, but I don't believe job is the most important thing in life. Life happens. Traffic happens. Family happens. Illness happens. If I'm working through lunch and staying late, please don't complain about the 20 minutes into 8:00 I was not there.
I like how Colleen, as a response to your blog, writes a blog.
Complete with legal, professional, behavioral, and scientific data, no less.
Oh honey, I'm so sorry to read about all this craziness. I don't know how to get all the things done that you do. You are some kind of superwoman, girlie! I came over here to leave a comment asking if you got my email a week or so ago and now I feel bad asking! But I do want to make sure you got my response to you because sometimes my emails go into bulk or spam folders. PLEASE don't see this as another deadline...get back to me when you can...just wanted to make sure you got my message!
Big hugs. :)
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